I read an article that declared modesty to be misunderstood. The premise of the argument was that the culture of society has made nudity sexual and that a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants without any consideration as to how she might be perceived by men. The point was made that men alone should be accountable for their thoughts and should be expected to maintain self-control, regardless of what he sees.
I no longer know where to find it but this article and the commentary that followed have left me troubled. I entirely agree that the fault lies with the man for his own actions. Even if a woman was seductively walking around another man’s house in the nude, he would be 100% responsible for what he did about that. He would not be excused in the least if he decided to molest her in any way. However, it’s clear to me that most women and some lucky few men will never be able to truly understand the mind of most men. Hopefully, this analogy to alcohol will help bring things to light.
When Jessica turns 11, she starts to be given regular sips of alcohol. This continues for several years. Jessica is repeatedly told not to drink or enjoy alcohol. The sip is okay, but nothing more. It really is entirely up to her whether she indulges herself any more than that. It’s about self-control. Now, come to find out, others around her are adding to her drink, spiking it even. It’s still entirely up to her whether she indulges more than a sip but sometimes that gets pretty difficult. After that first spike, it becomes very difficult for Jessica to stop at just a sip. It takes much more effort than before.
Wouldn’t it be nice if those around her would keep that sip to a minimum and even eliminate it whenever possible?Pornography for a guy is much like those sips of alcohol for Jessica. Men are naturally strongly attracted to women, much more than most women could possibly understand. It’s supposed to be that way. It’s how our race has continued on for thousands of years. At least from the time most boys hit puberty, they start noticing and yearning. It’s not like staying away from drugs or alcohol because we can’t. We can do our best to avoid it but it is everywhere. All we can do is keep from indulging in it. We will see pornography at its varying degrees from a girl whose shirt is merely a little tight to a glimpse of cleavage to a teasing string bikini to a scene of unexpected blatant nudity in a movie or in some post on the internet. Once indulged in the least, that tight shirt that was so innocent at first now becomes a catalyst to very un-innocent thoughts, images, and acts. At that point, even a beautiful and modestly dressed woman can send the male mind into a fury. Some men indulge in pornography heavily and develop strong addictions. For them, you may not have an escape. He might undress you with his eyes if you were covered with coveralls, a quilt, and an iron suit. Regardless of how you help by dressing modestly, he has his own demons to deal with. All you can ever do is help.
Many argue that it is not the thoughts that we should worry about, only actions. To that, I would say that actions start with thoughts. Those who indulge in pornography are likely to attempt at least some of what they have viewed. It is highly unlikely that a man without heavy sexual thoughts will ever sexually abuse another. For further insight on this, I’d recommend watching the very creepy Ted Bundy interview just before his execution.
It’s always our choice whether we act on anything and yes, with a mastery of self-control, even the least of dirty thoughts can be avoided. Just know that when you walk out your door, you ARE pornography to someone, regardless of how modestly you dress; you ARE giving Jessica a taste of alcohol. It is the viewer’s choice as to what they do about that taste but it is your choice how big of a taste you will give.
Like everything, people don’t wear a sign on them though and you don’t know who may be struggling. Statistics have shown that some of the most intellectual and outwardly virtuous men have some of the deepest addictions in pornography.
Like everything, people don’t wear a sign on them though and you don’t know who may be struggling. Statistics have shown that some of the most intellectual and outwardly virtuous men have some of the deepest addictions in pornography. I am not advocating for women to stay in the house, nor am I taking any kind of middle-eastern approach saying that no skin should be shown. It is also not a chastisement in any way. I merely hope to help you understand how your clothing choice might affect the men around you. I do hope it is received as a call to reflection in hope that some introspection might help you guide your actions to help those boys and men in your life.